A Beef Monkey holding the two Sacred Meats.

To become a Beef Monkey you must say (and believe,) "I eat beef and ham, and ... all your base are belong to us, using bombs.."
Making the declaration is easy. You can make the declaration before you understand what you're letting yourself in for. However, if you change your mind after you’ve said this, you're considered an noob.

Once one has become a respected Monkey of Beef, they are entitled to special privileges, such no longer requiring evidence, and blissfully knowing that if anything goes wrong, the great Lord Imoteph will make it all better if you truly believe. [1] Now isn't that wonderful? We're absolutely sure that Lord Imoteph will make things better if you truly believe.

Why do we like the Beef Monkey (Peace be upon Him) better than we like God? Here are a few reasons. Vegetarians as well as meat eaters are permitted to receive blessings from the most holy Jug of Milk who always answers prayers.

Our own special parody religion[]

We. Atheism Wiki, have created this very special parody religion.

See also[]



  1. If things don't get better that's your fault because your faith wasn't strong enough.